Although it’s a common belief that older adults are more likely to be lonely, since many of them live alone, researchers found a spike in numbers of people reporting loneliness in their late 20's and mid-50's as well as in their late 80's. Loneliness can occur at any age.
Loneliness is a deeply personal experience, unique to every individual—a problem with different causes and consequences for each affected person. A person can be socially isolated (having few social relationships and contacts) but not experience loneliness (the negative emotion of having fewer and lower quality relationships than we want and need to be happy).
Sometimes people can be lonelier in a busy community than in rural areas. A person can be alone and not feel lonely, but can be in a crowd and feel alone. A full three-quarters of participants in a California study of community dwellers reported moderate to high levels of loneliness. Since loneliness is known to affect people’s health, similar to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, the researchers wanted to learn more.
They found 3 factors were increased in people who reported they were lonely (listed in order of impact): having lower levels of emotional "wisdom”, living alone, and having a diagnosis of a mental or physical illness. Wisdom was defined as having several components: empathy (being able to feel the emotions of others), compassion/altruism (selfless concern for others), a sense of fairness, insight into the feelings of others, acceptance of others’ values and opinions, and decisiveness (the ability to make quick, effective decisions when necessary).
In the UK, health authorities recognize the toll loneliness is taking in older people, increasing risk of onset of disability and cognitive decline leading to dementia. They have started a campaign to end loneliness in the elderly, treating it as a public health issue. The challenge of any community is to reach lonely individuals, to understand the nature of the person’s loneliness, to develop a personalized response (since each individual has different needs) and to support them in their access to the services they need. While this has the greatest overall effect when done at the community level, it is also an effective way to help someone you suspect is lonely. You can read more about the UK approach to ending loneliness here.
I decided to write a Christmas letter this year. Although it’s a long-standing tradition of mine to communicate at least once a year to friends and family I don’t see often, I hadn’t written a Christmas letter for a few years. So, this week I sent it off, a few by snail mail but most of them simply by email. In true “blogging” fashion, I asked the recipients to do something (called a Call to Action in the blogging world…). At the end of my letter, I asked them to send a hello back to me if we hadn’t spoken in a while. And I have been delighted to hear back from quite a few. What a great way to reconnect and start a conversation again!
Now, I’m sure my little action wouldn’t cure anyone’s loneliness, but staying connected to friends and family is a first step in the right direction, both for you and for those you contact. It’s so easy to do now, too, with emails, videoconferencing (like Skype, Facetime) and texting or even with a good old-fashioned telephone.
So, this holiday season, my “Call to Action” to you is to reach out to friends and family, whether old or young, that you may not have contacted for a while. Find out what’s new in their lives and show you care about them. ‘Tis the season…
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